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Archive for introspection
Praying with Psalms [1]: PSALM 89
Father Joseph “Joe” Fernandez, SDB, our catechist, shared to me his translation of Psalm 89. He told me that he just found out that it is a song of lamentation - the song of a king that has been defeated in a battle. Psalm 89 is somewhat related to Fr. Manoling Francisco, SJ’s “I will Sing Forever” but unlike the song, this version of the psalm is less jubilant, rather, subtle and deeply emotional.
On reading this psalm, I can’t but be emotional. It evoked the feelings that have been lingering in my heart. It tells, in a profound and an almost exact manner the chorus of my journey toward His call (my name, in place of the pronouns, made it more personal).
Let me now share it with you! 
Psalm 89
The Psalm has two parts. We do not always feel consoled. Sometimes we feel God is no more speaking to us or supporting us. We can still continue to pray and to believe.
1 I will sing forever of how greatly you, God have loved me;
I must tell everyone how good you’ve been to me…2 I will let all know how God’s love never changes,
every star reminds me of how good God is to me…3 God told me, “I made an agreement when I chose you,
I made a solemn promise to you Jerome my son,4 “I will be with you forever and ever
and give you such strength so you can help so many”
5 The heavens praise all these wonderful things, O LORD,
In every Eucharist I am reminded of your love and protection.6 There is no one who can compare with God my LORD?
Can anything in any part of the world compare with His Love?7 The God who calls me is wiser than all the plans I can make;
he is more wonderful than anything I can imagine.8 O LORD God Almighty, who is like you?
You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness is my reason to believe.9 No problem is too great for you;
when difficulties come my way, you help me face them…10 You crush every evil spirit that disturbs me;
with your strong arm you scatter all my temptations.
Monthly Gist: MARCH08
I think I’m losing the hang of blogging. I’m having this habit of not blogging as often as I can. This brings me to, again, ask myself, am I beginning to give-up blogging? Hmm… No, I’m not. (That answer came out easily.) March has just been so busy. Jam-packed with so much of everything that blogging didn’t fit in. Allow me to give you a bird’s eye view of my MARCH08 through this first month ender of mine.
- HOLY WEEK. The seminary, as usual, was tasked to animate the Holy Week rituals and celebrations for the local community. I’ve been tasked to do a tarp announcing the schedule of services of the Diocesan Shrine of Mary Help of Christians that’ll be available for the people during the week. What took more of our time was the decorations for the different venues to be used for the services.
- SENAKULO (Passion Play, “Nakita mo ba?”). This is actually part of the Holy Week but due to its impact (hope to tell you more about this soon) it needs a separate mention. The play is the final requirement for our Theatre Arts class. The story is unconventional and it taps the concerns of our contemporary time, it challenged the audience to see the loving presence of Christ in every cross we encounter in our lives. I played the part of a very young irresponsible father.
- The FINAL EXAMS. Not so hard. :) That’s all.
These are all that I can remember so far. I’ll add the pictures and the other activities soon (hopefully later this eve…). My personal reflections will also follow. 
BTW, I’m not a car afficionado but I saw this new car motor and got amaze by its fuel economy features you might want check it out. Follow this link: Honda launches VCM 643.
live lent
A week to go before Holy Week comes. I was flipping through a coffee table book about the Lenten celebration in the Philippines a while ago and I felt a bit gloomed and saddened by the photos. The shots are well-composed but delivered a tear-jerking message. Melancholic. But is Lent really calling us to feel down and lonely? Look at this:
My Prayer
Not my contribution for the inter-faith rally that is happening in Makati, rather a fruit of solitude and prayer. Below is the introduction I wrote for our benediction yesterday evening.
While in colloquy with God, I reread it, reflected on it. Found out that there is so much of myself in it.
Read for yourself.
~
We are often times blinded by the allurements of the world – so blind that we lose touch with God. The warring feelings within us bring about a sort of an eye-cataract that blurs our direct vision of God. Consumerism, materialism, and a lot more negative “–isms” fragment us and keep us out-of-focus. This disturbs us in prayer – in our communion with the Lord. We experience a sense of distance from our Heavenly Father – thinking that He is not anywhere near us; thus, our faith weakens.
In this solemn colloquy with our Lord, let us speak to Him earnestly, recall our blind moments with Him. By and by, let us ask for his mercy, for his grace, and let us pray that he may grant us a stronger faith amid our troubled moments, that we may again see His magnificence and be enveloped by His Unfailing Love.
~
Btw, summer is just around the corner. Having your break in the Philippines? You might be interested to avail of Value Hotels in the Philippines.
cold days.
I have colds. Caught it two days ago. Maybe due to the sudden chill in the weather. The same situation is true for my blog. Not much action in here for the past week. It’s not that I’m quitting blogging. Nope. Nor my zest to write has ebbed. No. It’s just that the time to pause and rekindle my thoughts hasn’t gone by ’til this very moment.
Allow me to just write through the things that crowd my consciousness as I juggle keyboard and tissue on my hands.
I was very upset two nights ago. The unexpected happened. My laptop’s system crushed. *poof* After a series of reboots the screen went nil. No movement whatsoever save for the exhaust fan that sounded like a familiar requiem hymn to my ears. It happened when I was in the middle of finishing an important paper to be submitted the next day. It gave up when I needed it most.
But everything has to move on. I can’t just dwell upon and mourn over, the whole time, something I lost. Why not be grateful for the many someones around me?
This cold days has brought much warmth to me. Blessings abound. And these parcels from Kuya were hand carried and personally delivered to me by angels - the very persons I’m spending my life with. I feel truly blessed. Love spurs within me (take this also as an allusion to the recently concluded Heart’s Day *smile*). Beyond my sick facade lies a vibrant soul. Aside from the medication I take, this is what’s making me rise up from my bed. This is the fuel I’m burning for the things I’ve done so far.
Reminds me of Lent. Reminds me of Jesus Himself - He who never gave up the Cross, His Cross, the Cross where His battered body would be pierced and fastened. He never gave up. Never did He surrendered. All because of His immense, unconditional and unfailing LOVE.
My suffering is but a speck compared to His. It’s so banal and little compared to the tribulations of so many unnamed men and women who still chose to live and to love in spite of their cruel state. I hope I could keep-up with them.
moving
Yes. You are right. The title of this post says it all. Within the next few weeks we are moving to our new home - rather, host. Thanks to our friend, JM, who willingly endowed us with a portion of his humongous web space.
This isn’t only about my plan to move to a new web host. I’ve been, again, on an unprecedented hiatus. I was appointed head of the Multimedia and Designs Committee of the NÜV (an interschool dance and band competition) - one of the activities for our 45th Foundation Day Celebrations. This was enough to deprive me of my free time that I use for blogging. The whole committee and I were busy with pictorials, VTR’s and AVP production (below is the official 30-sec AVP promoting the event). I’ve been in the move lately - literally. The tasks to fulfill are enough to blow-off one’s head. Good thing I’m with a team. This collaboration amazes me.
Application. This idea is the one preoccupying my mind as of the moment. January is a significant event for everyone under the initial formation in our congregation. On the 31st of this month - Feast of our Founder, St. John Bosco - we are to submit the letter which would concretely express how we want to go on with our lives. To apply or not, that is the question.
Movements entail change. In my mind, now, runs, in rapid succession, a series of images - thumbnails of my experiences twined with nuggets of joy, sorrow, confusion, anxiety - sealed with love, understanding, faith, wisdom, happiness and strength. These images I fondly keep - treasure, and review - dwell on - from time to time to seek consolation, to see my self and be in-tune with my inner me.
~
Moving
To move on I must look back.
To look within, I must.
To quell anger’s wrath,
To quench my drought…
To set afire love’s amber,
To grab a glimpse of Thine Light
Thine Goodness -
Thine Wisdom -
Thine Strength -
Within me.
I must look within. To move on.
post-New Year, NFF’s and Me
Christmas greetings and new year’s well wishes weren’t that much compared to what I’ve received last year. Anyway. A question visited me the night before the bangs and glitz of the year’s turn flooded the sky (and so did IM’s popped up and crammed my screen :D): "Why are there so many resolutions made at the turn of the year?"
My contention isn’t about making resolutions. What I’m trying to question is that, why do a lot of people have to do it every "end" of the year? Why not do it as needed? Or has it just become a fad? Just questions, you might want to answer them…
New Found Friends (NFFs)
Kay, Ar, Cee, Em and Dee (not their real names) are my new found friends. They are a group of differently-abled people that I’ve met yesterday during the post-Christmas and post-New Year Get-together program for the PWDs (Persons With Disabilities Different Abilities - not comfortable with the original word) in our parish. I joined the youth ministry who spearheaded the event. While helping in facilitating the activities, I noticed a group of participants who aren’t that participative. I went by and discovered that they are deaf-mutes. There was no one in organizing group who knows sign language. Ergo, they don’t understand what’s happening around. I only have a bit knowledge of their language. Actually, I only know the alphabets, the clap and my name. Nonetheless, I volunteered to be with the - scribbling the important announcements and other audible things that would matter to them.
The questions on their faces were eventually transformed into smiles and cheerful admiration and involvement to everything that is happening around them. That painted a smile in my heart.
This encounter has brought up a new challenge for me to take. I thought of learning the sign language. Why? They are young people. The path were I am now is leading me to a life of service to the poor and marginalized youth. I thought that it would be best if I would be able to communicate with them in their own language. This brings me back to my desire of becoming a missionary. A thought rings to my mind, this might be the chorus of every missionary, it sounds something like this - every one is a missionary and every soul is a mission land. Well, this could be my mission.
Me and Gratitude
Gifts. The Epiphany is near and the thought of telling something about the gifts I received this past holy-days lit-up. I wouldn’t want actually to brag about the gifts I’ve received, rather I would like to thank those who have gone beyond themselves and allotted a space for me in their gift budgets. Among them are my family, Kuya Bong, Ate Fe, my Ate, Ninang Emma (Ninang Eloi you might want to Send Money to the Philippines Online for my aguinaldo, *smiles* just a joke! - I’ll email you soon), and Tita Hilda & her hubby Tito John.
Um, yes, of course, gratitude is also fitting for everyone who has never grown tired of praying for me. Those people who remembered me during the Christmas novena and also those who have been so generous in giving their time just to pause and intercede for me (no matter what day it may be). I might not know each and everyone of you, nonetheless, be assured that you are remembered in every good deed and prayer that I do.
Also, for all those who have been so patient in reading this blog. Thank you so much, I really appreciate the time you spend in my subtle oasis. I hope you find it as such - an oasis of thought and realizations, that is.
…taking care
Taking care. Reading through the lists of lauds written during the retreat of my high school class lead me to a gallery of questions - on spotlight was “am I really this good?” And while undergoing this process of solitude, I was struck by a clear fact - none stated my being caring. I have not been so caring. As a son, as a brother, as a friend. Yes, I’ve done much good, but for whom? For myself! I’ve not been so caring to the point of thinking less of other people. I’ve not been so charitable enough -to my ego, yes; to others, never. Thus, little do I care for myself. Ironic but true.
Taking chances. Risks. The world isn’t binary nor it is pre-programmed. Breaks like what I’m having now slaps FREEDOM on my face. Actually, it hit me hard. RESPONSIBILITY, FOCUS, COMMITMENT and PRUDENCE - all related to choice. Opportunities abound. I had a host of them for the past year. Some of which I was too afraid to take. Yet, I dared to take them. Not all were successful but every risk I took made me a better person.
Giving LOVE. Well, the pure essence of Christmas. Love. I’ve been given a chance to share love to a lot of people - to my family, closest friend most especially to the unloved and less loved.
Happy Christmas and May Everyone Have a BLESSED NEW YEAR!
post-CHRISTMAS post
Call this spur of the moment - an eventuality I wish not to waste. There’s so much I wish to tell. Many things happened for the past days and I have been to a lot of oases - too subtle for others to see, just for me, actually (if you’ve been following me, by now, I hope, you already know what I mean :D).
Taking time. Taking care. Taking chances. Giving love. This has been the theme of my Christmas. Though not a pre-imposed one, rather these were the things that kept me introspective, before, during and a few days after commemorating Christ’s nativity. I had a teary-eyed Christmas.
Taking time. I have a chronic disease related to time. I often waste a lot of time. I’m either idle or too busy working on not so important things. But this is not about me taking much of my time and flushing them down the drain. Not about me wasting time. It’s about relationships. Ties. Bonds. Friendship. Family. This past Christmas taught me the value of time in relationships.
I’ve been forever dreaming of an “almost-perfect” relationship, with my family and friends - less friction, more fun. I just realize that the main culprit for my not so close ties with the people I love is me. I’ve been so thrifty in investing time with them. Doing the otherwise brought a great change within me.
what kept me busy
I have been a bit unplugged lately (except for some Twitter updates via Globe). For the past three days I’ve been away from Manila. My family and I spent Christmas up north. It’s a bit colder there compared to Canlubang. May be due to less pollution and less factories. Anyway, unlike last year, I’ve not been so active this Christmas.
Okay, you might ask, “what happened last Christmas?”, here’s a snippet of it: ~
Last 25th December 2006, my family enjoyed a different kind of menu for the traditional Noche Buena feast. Out with spaghetti, fried chicken, sopas, and macaroni salad, I’ve introduced my favorites. Tuna carbonara, spiced buttered chicken, calamares and ham sandwich filled our dinner table. Yum! I prepared them all… But that was last year. ~
Now, what happened last Christmas? After the midnight mass (Misa de Aguinaldo), I immediately went to bed after sending some greetings via SMS. I woke up at around 8am. I and my family visited our relatives. After lunch I dozed off again. An hour after that “nap” I continued on reading Sionil’s Ermita. Then, I slept again. Woke up at 4pm, took some merienda, showers then off to my sister’s ninang (godmother).
Sleeping, thinking and reading. These three things kept me busy. Sleeping. I’ve slept much since the day I arrived home from the seminary. But tonight, I’ll be trimming a bit on that.
Thinking, more of reflecting. I’ve heard much stories of people around me that made me pause and look within myself. Much of it about structural sin and very related to poverty and the slum culture. The thought of having a job and earning for others dwelled on me. Even thought of availing a resume service. But it didn’t lingered much on my consciousness - I was reminded of the CALL.
Reading. I’ve finished Ermita. Beautiful. Sir Ronan, my first year comm arts teacher, was right afterall - it is a love story. I just hope that Sionil would offer a sequel.
Um, that’s all for now. I haven’t regained my writing skills. Too much cholesterol I suppose. My post-Christmas post (a more introspective post on Christmas) would hopefully be online before midnight.
Happy Christmas, God bless!
